Birthday

Today I woke up one year older, 22. A Birthday is supposed to make you feel special and, excited. I feel neither. Last year at this time I was celebrating my 21st Birthday with a kegger. This year I am celebrating alone in my room with a 6 pack (that I am not supposed to be consuming because I goto rehab on the 31st) reflecting on the past year and all of nothing that I have accomplished.
Treatment will be good for me, as I have been drinking a 12 pack a day for the last two years. I guess I drink because I don't want to feel sad. Being drunk is a short fix but it works so much better than my Paxil.
I have been suffering from depression since I was very young. I was put on medication when I was 14 and have been to probably every shrink in the area. I never kept up with my therapy maybe because then I wasn't ready for help.
Now that I am getting older but, not maturing I realize this isn't who I want to be anymore. I am proud of myself for making the decision to change the rest of my life but, I am also hesitant. I am scared I won't like who I really am.
I havn't been happy in a long time but always longed for it. Now that my chance is nearing, I feel like quitting like I always do. I know one thing though, I do need to quit drinking. We will see what happens.

Cheers,
Birthday Girl